A 5 Step Plan to Strengthen Your Faith
We believe that ultimately, everything comes from God for our highest good. If you are currently experiencing a difficulty, even though you have made reasonable efforts to resolve it, then at least in this moment, having this challenge is for your highest good.
We often don’t understand the benefits of our challenges, but they are there nonetheless. Many people went through difficulties and, in hindsight, realized how they benefited. Some of the ways people have benefited from their challenges: It brought out their true capabilities and hidden potential, it led to financial opportunities, it led to new relationships or deepening current ones, it helped them to establish a personal relationship with God, it helped them realign their priorities and spend more time on meaningful activities, it helped strengthen their faith, it helped them become more compassionate and spiritual, and less self-centered and materialistic.
There are times, though, when even hindsight does not help us understand a difficulty we went through. Some forms of suffering are so intense that they are beyond human comprehension. In Heaven, though, we will understand. In the meantime, don’t put your life on hold. With the tools you currently have, live your best life now. Use challenges to grow personally and spiritually, and look for ways to help others.
A person can do everything right and still experience difficulties that are not easy to resolve. It’s humbling. The ego is deflated, and we realize how powerless and helpless we are without God. We can say to Him, “God, I don’t know why You want me to have this challenge right now, but since this is currently Your will, I accept it, and I will try to make the most of it. I don’t need anything to change to live a meaningful life. Right now, by doing Your will, I can live a fulfilling life. I trust You to know what is best for me and I surrender to You.”
When you accept the life God gives you, even if it’s not the life you expected, you can find peace, meaning, fulfillment, and even joy within your present situation. Surrendering to God does not mean giving up. He still wants to hear your prayers and for you to make reasonable efforts to improve your situation. Surrendering to God means letting go: Letting go of your ego and the life it wants, letting go of resisting challenges, and instead embracing the life God gives you. You do your part to address your difficulties, but you leave the outcome in God’s hands and trust that whatever He does will be for your highest good.
Often, when people experience pain (emotional, physical, or financial), they ask God, “Why?!” This is a natural reaction, but even if there were an answer that would satisfy you, your faith would now be limited by that answer. Your trust in God would be limited to only when that answer applies. For example, if you can see a benefit from a challenge, your faith is now limited to only situations where you see a possible benefit. Deep faith in God and surrender to Him is when you reach a place where you don’t need to know why. You trust that God knows why, and that’s enough. You let go of what is beyond your ability (understanding God’s ways), and you embrace what is within your control (growing from a challenge and living a meaningful life).
To enhance your faith, try the following: Tune into God’s presence, which surrounds you always. Then think about a difficulty and speak to God from your heart, asking for His help, preferably out loud. Here’s one possibility: “God, I know You are here, listening to me right now. I know that everything in my life comes from You for my highest good and out of Your love for me. Even though I believe that, I’m having trouble seeing the good in my challenges. I’m in a lot of pain. Without You, I am helpless and powerless. But with Your help, anything is possible. You can instantly solve my problems. I need Your help! Please help me with this challenge! Please help me feel Your guidance, strength, and love. Help me trust in You and accept Your will. I surrender to You.”
A shorter version: “God, I know that this challenge is from You for my ultimate benefit and out of Your love for me. Please guide me to do my part to overcome this challenge and make the most of my life right now. I trust You. I accept Your will. I thank You for all the hidden and revealed ways You are helping me. I love You, and I surrender to You.”
When speaking to God, it’s important to first thank Him for His blessings and to try to feel gratitude toward Him. No matter how difficult your life is right now, you can choose to focus only on your difficulties or also appreciate your blessings.
Relationship coach Jackie Glaser emphasizes the importance of surrendering to God. She shared the following words of inspiration during an interview with her husband Aharon for the podcast (meaningfulminute.org), Stories of Hope with Tzipora Grodko (SOH), “Married at 44, Baby at 50: A Story of Faith & Resilience.” She compared waiting for God to help us with a challenge to a baby waiting for their mother to warm up the milk. The baby is crying, wondering where the milk is, but the mother knows that she's warming up the milk and that the baby will soon get fed. Even while you cry out in pain to God, know that He's warming up the milk for you! He’s preparing your personal salvation.
Talking specifically about the “milk” of waiting to find one’s spouse, Jackie said, “And for some people, that milk will come in different forms, in different times, in different ways, in different packages and sometimes even in a different lifetime, for some people. But you just have to know that it's coming from love and it's for your good and we're going to thank God for that. It's so hard to say in the middle of the pain. If someone's in pain I wouldn't say that, I would give them a hug, but that's the truth…”
A 5-step plan to strengthen your faith:
1. Talk to yourself words of faith. The next time you think about a challenge, and you hear the voice in your head saying, “No! This is bad!” Calmly and compassionately remind yourself that everything that happens to you comes from God for your highest good and that this too is for your ultimate benefit. See if instead of resisting the challenge, you can be more accepting of it and, depending on the situation, say to yourself, “Ok. I will grow from this,” or perhaps, “Yes, this will work out,” or even, “Thank you, God! I will benefit from this.” In addition, preferably daily, read works or listen to classes on faith.
2. Pray. Talk out loud to God in your native language, thanking Him for His blessings and asking for His help (including in strengthening your faith). Don’t pray for a very specific outcome, as only God knows what’s best for us. Pray for help with the issue in general, and pray for other people who are also struggling. As challenges arise throughout the day, turn to God for help. In a moment of peak stress, when you're not sure if things will work out, or even in a moment of pain, after you experience a setback, rejection, failure, or loss, remind yourself that God is in total control and is guiding your life for your ultimate good.
In addition to talking to God, consider reciting Psalms. Find a translation that resonates with you. One translation is Psalms that Speak to You by Yitzchok Leib Bell (available in interlinear form if you read Hebrew; if not, get the traditional translation edition). Artscroll has a translation in a variety of formats. Another translation is The Koren Tehillim by Rabbi Eli Cashdan (with commentaries by Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb; available in two sizes).
You can read one Psalm each day, or less if the Psalm is longer. There’s also a monthly cycle that allows you to complete Psalms each month. The focus should be on quality, not quantity—saying the Psalms with understanding and, ideally, feeling.
3. Make reasonable efforts. God doesn’t need your help to help you, but He wants you to do your part. Put in reasonable but not excessive efforts. As you calmly do your part, remind yourself that God is in charge and that His help often comes in unexpected ways. (When in doubt, ask your rabbi or rebbetzin what are reasonable efforts in your situation.)
4. Expect God’s help. Open your vessel wide to receive God’s blessing by believing and expecting that He will send you blessing (if you do your part). God has given you everything you have in life. He is limitless and wants to shower you with blessing. Be open to receiving them, but don’t place demands or conditions on the type of blessing you are willing to receive. Only our Creator knows what will truly be beneficial to us.
A common mistake is to have “faith” in a specific outcome, such as a relationship or investment working out. That’s not faith in God; that’s faith in your ego, which believes this relationship or investment is beneficial. Instead, do your best, but leave the outcome up to God.
5. Rely on God. Cultivate that calm, peaceful feeling that comes with knowing that God has your back and that you can relax into His support. Ask yourself, “If I fully believed that God will resolve this challenge in the way most beneficial to me (as long as I do my part), how would I feel right now?” Relax into that feeling of being loved and supported. Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik wrote (Essay on Bitachon: 32), “The main point of trust (in God) is quieting your spirit and heart and casting upon God your burden.” Every day, as best you can, tap into that feeling of peace, acceptance, and letting go that comes with relying on God.
The journey of strengthening one's faith often progresses along three stages. The first stage is where you talk to yourself and to God words of faith, even though they may not fully resonate with you. During this phase, you may experience the first four stages of grief as outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which are denial, anger, bargaining, and depression (or sadness). Then comes the second stage of faith, which is characterized by acceptance (Elisabeth's 5th and final stage of grieving a loss), where your resistance to your challenges lessens, but you're still not feeling that release of “letting go and letting God.” Then comes the third stage of faith, in which you surrender to God and trust Him to lead you where you need to go. Even after you reach the third stage, you may get triggered by something and find yourself back at the first phase, feeling denial, anger, bargaining, or sadness. That's normal. You start again to move to the second phase, of acceptance, and then to the third phase of surrender. You may notice that this time around, the surrender feels even deeper than before.
In another SOH episode, “It’s Never Too Late To Find Your True Soulmate,” Tzirel Liba Greenberg was interviewed with her husband, Yankel. She expressed the progression of her trust in God, which parallels the three stages discussed above, and was a source of inspiration for them. She talked about how it is challenging (but still possible) to be grateful to God for one’s difficulties. With faith, one trusts that God knows best and acknowledges that we will never fully understand God’s ways while on earth; only in Heaven (or after the Messiah comes) will we gain a deeper understanding.
She said to herself and to God, “I don't get it, but I'm saying thank you. So I was crying and saying I don't get it and thank you...then I realized I'm not going to get it, I'm not going to get it on this side of Shamayim (Heaven, i.e., while still on earth)…I just have to live with this, I'm not going to get it and thank you...but then after a long time of that I realized, I don't need to get it. I just need to trust that You've got it and I'm going to hang on to Your Talis (God's metaphorical prayer shawl) with two hands and two feet and I'm not letting go…”
She started with faith mixed with resistance, then moved to faithful acceptance, and finally to the third stage of surrender.
One way to strengthen your faith is to learn how people with strong faith navigate life challenges. One example is the Stories of Hope episode with Rabbi Ephraim Rimel, entitled, “‘One Car Crash Changed My Life Forever…’” That interview was a source of inspiration for the section about not understanding God’s ways. See meaningfulminute.org, and https://www.livinglchaim.com/, for other inspirational interviews. There are other resources as well that have inspirational stories.
To keep your faith strong, read or listen to works on faith daily. If possible, study weekly with a friend, family member, or group. On my site, yaakovweiland.com, under “Works on Judaism,” I list select daily emails and books on faith. On my site, this chapter is available for free. Please share it with those who can benefit.
For a deeper dive on faith and related topics, see my new book: 30 Days to Unshakable Faith: Staying Anchored and Calm Throughout Life’s Ups and Downs.
To be notified of new articles or book releases, you can subscribe at https://jacobweiland.substack.com.
We often don’t understand the benefits of our challenges, but they are there nonetheless. Many people went through difficulties and, in hindsight, realized how they benefited. Some of the ways people have benefited from their challenges: It brought out their true capabilities and hidden potential, it led to financial opportunities, it led to new relationships or deepening current ones, it helped them to establish a personal relationship with God, it helped them realign their priorities and spend more time on meaningful activities, it helped strengthen their faith, it helped them become more compassionate and spiritual, and less self-centered and materialistic.
There are times, though, when even hindsight does not help us understand a difficulty we went through. Some forms of suffering are so intense that they are beyond human comprehension. In Heaven, though, we will understand. In the meantime, don’t put your life on hold. With the tools you currently have, live your best life now. Use challenges to grow personally and spiritually, and look for ways to help others.
A person can do everything right and still experience difficulties that are not easy to resolve. It’s humbling. The ego is deflated, and we realize how powerless and helpless we are without God. We can say to Him, “God, I don’t know why You want me to have this challenge right now, but since this is currently Your will, I accept it, and I will try to make the most of it. I don’t need anything to change to live a meaningful life. Right now, by doing Your will, I can live a fulfilling life. I trust You to know what is best for me and I surrender to You.”
When you accept the life God gives you, even if it’s not the life you expected, you can find peace, meaning, fulfillment, and even joy within your present situation. Surrendering to God does not mean giving up. He still wants to hear your prayers and for you to make reasonable efforts to improve your situation. Surrendering to God means letting go: Letting go of your ego and the life it wants, letting go of resisting challenges, and instead embracing the life God gives you. You do your part to address your difficulties, but you leave the outcome in God’s hands and trust that whatever He does will be for your highest good.
Often, when people experience pain (emotional, physical, or financial), they ask God, “Why?!” This is a natural reaction, but even if there were an answer that would satisfy you, your faith would now be limited by that answer. Your trust in God would be limited to only when that answer applies. For example, if you can see a benefit from a challenge, your faith is now limited to only situations where you see a possible benefit. Deep faith in God and surrender to Him is when you reach a place where you don’t need to know why. You trust that God knows why, and that’s enough. You let go of what is beyond your ability (understanding God’s ways), and you embrace what is within your control (growing from a challenge and living a meaningful life).
To enhance your faith, try the following: Tune into God’s presence, which surrounds you always. Then think about a difficulty and speak to God from your heart, asking for His help, preferably out loud. Here’s one possibility: “God, I know You are here, listening to me right now. I know that everything in my life comes from You for my highest good and out of Your love for me. Even though I believe that, I’m having trouble seeing the good in my challenges. I’m in a lot of pain. Without You, I am helpless and powerless. But with Your help, anything is possible. You can instantly solve my problems. I need Your help! Please help me with this challenge! Please help me feel Your guidance, strength, and love. Help me trust in You and accept Your will. I surrender to You.”
A shorter version: “God, I know that this challenge is from You for my ultimate benefit and out of Your love for me. Please guide me to do my part to overcome this challenge and make the most of my life right now. I trust You. I accept Your will. I thank You for all the hidden and revealed ways You are helping me. I love You, and I surrender to You.”
When speaking to God, it’s important to first thank Him for His blessings and to try to feel gratitude toward Him. No matter how difficult your life is right now, you can choose to focus only on your difficulties or also appreciate your blessings.
Relationship coach Jackie Glaser emphasizes the importance of surrendering to God. She shared the following words of inspiration during an interview with her husband Aharon for the podcast (meaningfulminute.org), Stories of Hope with Tzipora Grodko (SOH), “Married at 44, Baby at 50: A Story of Faith & Resilience.” She compared waiting for God to help us with a challenge to a baby waiting for their mother to warm up the milk. The baby is crying, wondering where the milk is, but the mother knows that she's warming up the milk and that the baby will soon get fed. Even while you cry out in pain to God, know that He's warming up the milk for you! He’s preparing your personal salvation.
Talking specifically about the “milk” of waiting to find one’s spouse, Jackie said, “And for some people, that milk will come in different forms, in different times, in different ways, in different packages and sometimes even in a different lifetime, for some people. But you just have to know that it's coming from love and it's for your good and we're going to thank God for that. It's so hard to say in the middle of the pain. If someone's in pain I wouldn't say that, I would give them a hug, but that's the truth…”
A 5-step plan to strengthen your faith:
1. Talk to yourself words of faith. The next time you think about a challenge, and you hear the voice in your head saying, “No! This is bad!” Calmly and compassionately remind yourself that everything that happens to you comes from God for your highest good and that this too is for your ultimate benefit. See if instead of resisting the challenge, you can be more accepting of it and, depending on the situation, say to yourself, “Ok. I will grow from this,” or perhaps, “Yes, this will work out,” or even, “Thank you, God! I will benefit from this.” In addition, preferably daily, read works or listen to classes on faith.
2. Pray. Talk out loud to God in your native language, thanking Him for His blessings and asking for His help (including in strengthening your faith). Don’t pray for a very specific outcome, as only God knows what’s best for us. Pray for help with the issue in general, and pray for other people who are also struggling. As challenges arise throughout the day, turn to God for help. In a moment of peak stress, when you're not sure if things will work out, or even in a moment of pain, after you experience a setback, rejection, failure, or loss, remind yourself that God is in total control and is guiding your life for your ultimate good.
In addition to talking to God, consider reciting Psalms. Find a translation that resonates with you. One translation is Psalms that Speak to You by Yitzchok Leib Bell (available in interlinear form if you read Hebrew; if not, get the traditional translation edition). Artscroll has a translation in a variety of formats. Another translation is The Koren Tehillim by Rabbi Eli Cashdan (with commentaries by Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb; available in two sizes).
You can read one Psalm each day, or less if the Psalm is longer. There’s also a monthly cycle that allows you to complete Psalms each month. The focus should be on quality, not quantity—saying the Psalms with understanding and, ideally, feeling.
3. Make reasonable efforts. God doesn’t need your help to help you, but He wants you to do your part. Put in reasonable but not excessive efforts. As you calmly do your part, remind yourself that God is in charge and that His help often comes in unexpected ways. (When in doubt, ask your rabbi or rebbetzin what are reasonable efforts in your situation.)
4. Expect God’s help. Open your vessel wide to receive God’s blessing by believing and expecting that He will send you blessing (if you do your part). God has given you everything you have in life. He is limitless and wants to shower you with blessing. Be open to receiving them, but don’t place demands or conditions on the type of blessing you are willing to receive. Only our Creator knows what will truly be beneficial to us.
A common mistake is to have “faith” in a specific outcome, such as a relationship or investment working out. That’s not faith in God; that’s faith in your ego, which believes this relationship or investment is beneficial. Instead, do your best, but leave the outcome up to God.
5. Rely on God. Cultivate that calm, peaceful feeling that comes with knowing that God has your back and that you can relax into His support. Ask yourself, “If I fully believed that God will resolve this challenge in the way most beneficial to me (as long as I do my part), how would I feel right now?” Relax into that feeling of being loved and supported. Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik wrote (Essay on Bitachon: 32), “The main point of trust (in God) is quieting your spirit and heart and casting upon God your burden.” Every day, as best you can, tap into that feeling of peace, acceptance, and letting go that comes with relying on God.
The journey of strengthening one's faith often progresses along three stages. The first stage is where you talk to yourself and to God words of faith, even though they may not fully resonate with you. During this phase, you may experience the first four stages of grief as outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which are denial, anger, bargaining, and depression (or sadness). Then comes the second stage of faith, which is characterized by acceptance (Elisabeth's 5th and final stage of grieving a loss), where your resistance to your challenges lessens, but you're still not feeling that release of “letting go and letting God.” Then comes the third stage of faith, in which you surrender to God and trust Him to lead you where you need to go. Even after you reach the third stage, you may get triggered by something and find yourself back at the first phase, feeling denial, anger, bargaining, or sadness. That's normal. You start again to move to the second phase, of acceptance, and then to the third phase of surrender. You may notice that this time around, the surrender feels even deeper than before.
In another SOH episode, “It’s Never Too Late To Find Your True Soulmate,” Tzirel Liba Greenberg was interviewed with her husband, Yankel. She expressed the progression of her trust in God, which parallels the three stages discussed above, and was a source of inspiration for them. She talked about how it is challenging (but still possible) to be grateful to God for one’s difficulties. With faith, one trusts that God knows best and acknowledges that we will never fully understand God’s ways while on earth; only in Heaven (or after the Messiah comes) will we gain a deeper understanding.
She said to herself and to God, “I don't get it, but I'm saying thank you. So I was crying and saying I don't get it and thank you...then I realized I'm not going to get it, I'm not going to get it on this side of Shamayim (Heaven, i.e., while still on earth)…I just have to live with this, I'm not going to get it and thank you...but then after a long time of that I realized, I don't need to get it. I just need to trust that You've got it and I'm going to hang on to Your Talis (God's metaphorical prayer shawl) with two hands and two feet and I'm not letting go…”
She started with faith mixed with resistance, then moved to faithful acceptance, and finally to the third stage of surrender.
One way to strengthen your faith is to learn how people with strong faith navigate life challenges. One example is the Stories of Hope episode with Rabbi Ephraim Rimel, entitled, “‘One Car Crash Changed My Life Forever…’” That interview was a source of inspiration for the section about not understanding God’s ways. See meaningfulminute.org, and https://www.livinglchaim.com/, for other inspirational interviews. There are other resources as well that have inspirational stories.
To keep your faith strong, read or listen to works on faith daily. If possible, study weekly with a friend, family member, or group. On my site, yaakovweiland.com, under “Works on Judaism,” I list select daily emails and books on faith. On my site, this chapter is available for free. Please share it with those who can benefit.
For a deeper dive on faith and related topics, see my new book: 30 Days to Unshakable Faith: Staying Anchored and Calm Throughout Life’s Ups and Downs.
To be notified of new articles or book releases, you can subscribe at https://jacobweiland.substack.com.
