Life Advice for Teens
Some of these will resonate with you, while others may not. Choose one to focus on, and once you’ve implemented it, add another.
1. Exercise. Engage in strength training by doing bodyweight exercises (and if you want, age-appropriate weight lifting). Do aerobic exercise (biking, running, jogging, etc.) Trauma to the head and concussions can be difficult to recover from, so whenever biking or using a scooter, wear a helmet. When engaged in contact sports, wear protective gear. Exercising outdoors and spending time in nature have added health benefits. See if you can find someone to exercise with. Is there a competitive sport you enjoy or would like to try? Engaging in a competitive sport can be especially important for boys. Those who are good at sports often have someone who taught them how to play, and they practice a lot. Find someone to teach you, even a friend or neighbor, and be patient with yourself as your skills improve.
2. Get adequate sleep, maintain a healthy weight, and eat a healthy diet with adequate protein. Depending on your diet, may need a multivitamin. If you don’t get sufficient sunlight, you may need extra vitamin D.
3. Preferably daily, have a meaningful conversation with someone, a family member, a friend, or a senior citizen you know, to talk about your day. Many find writing in a journal about their day to be very helpful.
4. Spend time cultivating friendships. You only need one, but having at least a few friends is preferable. Making friends can be challenging. Look for shared experiences you can have with them, such as going somewhere together, playing a game or sport, jogging, biking, or going hiking. No matter how shy you are, you can learn to become a better conversationalist and make friends. Give people a call, or invite them to come over or get together with you. Expect some people to say no, and don’t take it personally. If they sound legitimately busy, ask them another time. Otherwise, focus on other people. It is worth putting in the effort to make friends, as friendships make life richer and more enjoyable.
5. Everyone has stress. Do things that reduce stress: pray, exercise, play sports, spend time in nature, spend time with friends and family, play competitive games, journal, meditate, engage in a hobby, etc.
6. Get professional help and support for any significant mental health issues: Emotional pain, depression, anxiety, ADD, trauma, family issues, addictions, being on the autistic spectrum, etc. (It may take a few tries before you find a professional who understands you and is able to help.)
7. Avoid or at least keep firm guardrails around any potentially addictive behavior or substances. It’s better not to start than to start and try to stop. People often begin these behaviors out of curiosity, but once an addiction takes hold, it’s much harder to stop. Speak to people older than you who have gone down that road and realized the harm it caused, so you don’t make the same mistake. Avoid or at least minimize alcohol, and avoid cannabis and other mind-altering substances, even if it is legal for you, at least until you already have a successful career. You don’t want to take substances that are demotivating and will reduce your cognitive abilities when you are still building your life.
8. Install an internet filter to help you avoid pornography. Have a family member choose the password during installation.
9. Make decisions and take actions that will enhance your self-respect. Do things that your 30-year-old self will be proud of. If your 30-year-old self wouldn’t be proud of it, don’t do it! Ask yourself, “After doing this, will I feel better about myself or worse?” “Will this increase my self-respect or reduce it?” (See the chapter on self-esteem.)
10. We live in incredible times. Many skills that were once difficult or expensive to learn can now be learned for free. You can learn a lot by reading. If you don’t like to read, you can listen to audiobooks while you exercise, during your commute to school, or while taking a walk. Some prefer informative podcasts or videos. Don’t expose yourself to junk media that brings you down. Be selective of the content you watch and listen to, and focus on those that enrich your life. Take advantage of the many opportunities you have: Learn new things and skills, set goals, volunteer, develop relationships, learn hobbies, play sports, get involved in projects, and if you’re so inclined, start a business. It is now much easier for young entrepreneurs to start a business or side income stream than it was before. Brainstorm different possibilities with successful people and see what’s working for others.
11. Many teens, unfortunately, spend hours doomscrolling through social media, which can have harmful effects on their mental health. It’s best to avoid it, but if you use it, be very selective about what you watch and limit it to no more than 30 minutes a day. A helpful rule of thumb: Limit activities where you are a spectator and increase activities where you are an active participant. Even reading fiction can be beneficial to the brain, as it engages the brain in imaging a scene, unlike watching a video, where the brain is not actively participating.
12. Start thinking about possible careers you may be interested in. Speak to people already in those fields for advice and to see if it may be a good fit for you. Perhaps one of them is willing to let you do an internship with them or knows someone who may have an internship for you.
13. Practice sound money management; be charitable, save what you can, and spend wisely. Invest conservatively and avoid any quick-rich schemes. Discuss with a mentor before investing money, and don’t just do what your friends are doing.
14. Your parents love you, likely more than anyone else in your life. They have also done more for you than anyone else. Treat and speak to your parents and grandparents with extra respect. Even though parents want to help you, it’s not uncommon for them to make mistakes, especially in challenging situations. Sometimes, they’re too strict, and that makes you want to push back. Other times, they’re too lenient, and you will need to parent yourself (with guidance from a mentor). If you disagree with the way your parents are parenting you, try having a calm conversation with them. If that doesn’t work, speak to a mentor or older family member for advice. Sometimes, it’s helpful to go with your parents to someone you both respect for guidance (e.g., a mentor, clergy, relative, or neighbor). At other times, seeing a recommended therapist for family therapy can be beneficial.
15. Learn to compartmentalize. When you disagree with a parent, you may tend to withdraw from the relationship and sulk. This will not benefit you. Even if you’re upset with a parent, focus on where you get along. They have done so much for you and have so much more to offer you in terms of love, encouragement, and advice. Don’t derail a whole relationship over a disagreement. If you’ve said things to them that you regret, apologize and repair the relationship, even if you still disagree with them.
16. There is a natural tendency during the teenage years to want to forge your own identity, which sometimes leads to wanting to rebel, just for the sake of rebelling. Especially if you’re angry with your parents, you may feel that rebelling is a way to get back at them. Remind yourself that forging your own identity is a good thing, but rebelling hurts you. It can be challenging to undo the damage of getting involved with the wrong crowd or engaging in sinful or illegal behavior. Even if your parents are misguided, they still love you and want the best for you. Such people, you don’t want to hurt, you want to help! If you haven’t been able to calmly resolve issues with them, focus your energies on school, volunteering, building relationships, learning new things, working, and perhaps starting a side business. (If you have a difficult family situation with a parent or sibling, seek help; sometimes it’s best to move out as quickly as possible. When there’s a difficult family situation, you may need to lean on grandparents, aunts, and uncles more; don’t be shy, they’re usually happy to help.)
17. When there’s nothing you can do to change a difficult situation in school or at home, try to cultivate an attitude of acceptance and make the most of it. Often, pushing back against your parents makes a challenging situation worse. For example, if your school is not working out and you can't switch, instead of sulking about it and doing poorly there, make the most of it and focus on other areas of your life that are meaningful and fulfilling. Remind yourself that soon you will have more decision-making power and become self-sufficient.
18. Teenage years are often filled with frustration and even anger. Find a healthy outlet. Healthy outlets include healthy social relationships with family members, senior citizens, mentors, and friends; exercising; boxing or kickboxing against a punching bag, competitive sports (different types of martial arts can be a good fit); and creative outlets and hobbies, personal prayer where you talk out loud to God in your native language, writing in a diary, volunteering, focusing on doing well in school, learning new things and skills, and choosing goals to work toward.
19. Growing up, siblings can be a source of frustration, and there may be competition or fights. Make an effort to treat your siblings well. Close sibling relationships will benefit you in life. (If one of your siblings is a bad influence on you or has mental health issues that are weighing you down, seek guidance from a trusted mentor or therapist.)
20. Spend time and learn from your relatives. They’re happy to tell you about your family history and impart their hard-earned wisdom. You can avoid many rookie mistakes by learning from those with life experience.
21. Teenage years are often tumultuous. Whatever challenges you are experiencing, many others have faced similar ones. Boys should have at least one male mentor, and girls should have at least one female mentor. Get into the habit of consulting with those who know more than you, especially about significant decisions. Many teens don’t have two emotionally healthy parents to guide them. If that’s the case for you, it is especially important to look for wise adults to guide you. You need to make your own decisions, but you’ll make better ones if you first consult with others. In general, people like to help others and share their knowledge and life experience (especially teachers, clergy, neighbors, family members, and family friends). It says in Ethics of the Fathers (2:5), “The bashful one does not learn.” Shyness is not a lifelong sentence; you can learn to approach people, ask them questions, and learn from them.
22. Spend some of your summers working or interning. This will help you mature and become more responsible. If you go to camp, ensure it will be a good environment that fosters your growth.
23. You’re affected by your peer group, so choose your friends wisely. It’s better to have one friend who shares your values than a larger, popular friend group that brings you down. If your friends do things you wouldn’t, especially if they pressure you to join them, it’s time to find new friends.
24. The teenage years are filled with opportunities to be kind. Introduce yourself to the new kid in school or in the neighborhood. Be friendly to everyone. There are so many simple ways to brighten someone’s day that require so little. Be generous with your compliments and encouragement. Be willing to assist if someone is struggling in a class. If you see someone having difficulty making friends, introduce them to others and include them in your larger friend group. Especially if you’re popular in school, showing an interest in someone can make it much easier for them to make friends. As hard as you think your life is, for some teens, it’s even harder. They may be going through severe struggles, and just being a friendly, decent human being to them will mean a lot.
25. Many struggle in school. Having difficulty learning or making friends in school doesn’t mean you’ll have difficulty making money or forming friendships later on. The regimented nature of school is challenging for those with unique learning styles. If you may have a learning issue or ADD, get tested and get help. Sometimes switching to a different class or school, or getting a tutor, can be beneficial.
26. It’s good to have an adventurous spirit and be willing to try new things (when appropriate), but don’t do dangerous things, forbidden activities, or break the law. Make a commitment to yourself about which behaviors you will not do under any circumstances (speak to your parents or spiritual mentor for guidance). Stay away from these behaviors and avoid tempting situations. Don’t take substances that impair your judgment and may lead you to do things you will later regret.
27. At the first sign of potential abuse, peer pressure, or bullying, seek help from someone you trust. Sometimes, in the beginning, it’s unclear that a situation is one of abuse, peer pressure, or bullying. By the time a person realizes, they feel ashamed and stuck. There’s nothing shameful about someone trying to mistreat you. They’re the ones who should be ashamed! Talk to an adult you trust for advice.
28. During adolescence, you’re going through many changes and have new challenges that you’ve never had before. Your hormones, brain development, and body are changing and growing. You may feel more moody, irritable, or down for no reason. Your instinct may be to tough it out, but find family members and mentors you can speak to for guidance.
29. Learn to tap into your higher self, the observer, which sees and observes your thoughts and desires. Realize that your thoughts and desires are not who you are and shouldn’t always be acted on. Thoughts that tell you that you’re not good enough, lovable, or worthy shouldn’t be listened to. Desires to do sinful things or act in harmful ways shouldn’t be acted upon. Learn to accept your desires, feelings, and thoughts, and then, coming from the place of your higher self, choose healthy thoughts, thoughts that are compassionate and encouraging. Thoughts that encourage you to do things that may be difficult now, but will benefit you later on. Engage in behaviors that align with your values and bring you closer to your goals.
30. Work on becoming a giver, do acts of kindness, see what you can do to help those who are less fortunate (including neighbors and classmates), and always treat people well (apologize if you lapse). At the same time, make sure to take care of yourself.
31. Get into the habit of expressing appreciation and complimenting people. Get rid of a feeling of entitlement; don’t take for granted the good that others do for you.
32. Learn to be responsible and self-sufficient, and don’t rely too much on family members. Feel a sense of responsibility to your family, friends, community, and nation. Remember, when it comes to doing acts of kindness or charity, family comes first.
33. Set goals and continue to learn and grow throughout your life. Remind yourself that if other people (who have similar abilities) can do something, so can you! Just because you’re not good at something now doesn’t mean you’ll never be. For many things, if you learn the skills and practice them, you can become as good as anyone else who has done the same. It’s tragic when a teen struggles in an area new to them and already decides that they’re not good at it and never will be; it’s just not true. While basic ability is necessary, success comes to those who are persistent enough to keep at it and learn the needed skills until they gain mastery.
34. Go out of your comfort zone and learn that you can handle failure and rejection. It won’t destroy you, it will only make you stronger! Failures and setbacks are to be expected. When they happen, pick yourself up, seek advice, and remind yourself that it was a learning experience. We often learn and grow more from our failures than our successes.
35. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and whom you can go to for encouragement. Get to know and spend time with local senior citizens and retirees; they often have a lot of wisdom and time to share. (If there’s a toxic relationship in your life, seek help from a mentor or therapist.)
36. Work on becoming a more assertive, confident, and decisive person. Look for opportunities to develop leadership skills and take on responsibility. Look for people who can be healthy role models to you. Learn to be assertive and confident, but not arrogant or aggressive. Learn the skills to communicate your needs and resolve conflicts calmly.
37. Enhance your conversational skills and increase your social network by introducing yourself to people and striking up a conversation.
38. Pick something or a few things to learn to do well, to develop feelings of mastery, competence, and confidence.
39. Use compassionate and encouraging self-talk. No harsh criticism or insults allowed! Use visualization to see yourself successfully achieving your goals.
40. Teenage years can be very stressful, with stresses often relating to school, friendships, or family. There’s a tendency to try to reduce stress by engaging in harmful activities. While that may provide temporary relief, it will just make things worse and doesn’t address the root issue. It’s like being in a freezing room; you can either try to find things to take your mind off the cold, or you can just close the window! In life, whenever possible, you want to address the root cause of an issue. Make a list of what’s stressing you, and preferably together with a mentor, parent, or therapist, make a plan to address it. Some issues don’t resolve overnight, but keeping in touch with someone about it and following a plan can help lower your stress.
41. Some people have the tendency that when they are given advice, it makes them want to do the exact opposite! This tendency is actually self-destructive, as feedback and advice from others can be very helpful and save you from making rookie mistakes. Catch yourself before you fall into this trap and ask yourself, “Even if I’m upset with ___ and even if the way they made the suggestion annoys me, is there any merit to what they’re saying?” Learn the skill of being able to extract the wisdom from the criticism or advice people give you, and use that wisdom to benefit you.
42. A similar dynamic can occur when your parent(s) are trying to help you become more mature or responsible, which can be painful in the short-term, but fosters long-term growth. There is a tendency to push back against this and try to sabotage their efforts, but doing so harms you. For example, your parents tell you they want you to keep to a budget and no longer spend freely on their card. Or, you’ve been going to sleep very late, which has been having a negative effect, and they want you to keep to an earlier bedtime. While it may be upsetting in the short term, and you might not agree with how they are going about it, instead of pushing back, work with them. If they succeed in helping you set the foundation for a successful adult life, it will be you who will benefit the most.
43. In terms of post-high school training for a career, consider your options (taking into account the things you’re good at or interested in, and the things you find challenging). Accelerated schooling is often cost-effective and will save you time, although regular college may be more appropriate for your chosen profession. There are also trade schools and training for specific careers. Be aware of the different salaries and job opportunities of the careers you’re considering, as well as other factors important to you.
44. A time when young adults struggle the most is when they either have a bad friend group or none at all. If you leave your high school friend group, establish a new one as soon as possible. Utilize the power of the group. If you’re with friends who are on track with their lives and goal-oriented, it will be easier for you to do the same. Once a person leaves their friend group and is on their own, it becomes more challenging for them to stay on track. Here is a pattern you may have noticed: Singles who didn’t stay connected to their friends often had a more challenging time staying observant, becoming financially successful, and getting married. Our social networks, friendships, and mentors play an important role in keeping us on track in life.
45. As others have said, “Look in the mirror. That’s your competition!” Don’t focus on what others have or their abilities. Focus on yourself and achieving your goals. Develop a strong work ethic and delay gratification. Successful people will tell you that a strong work ethic is essential for achieving success, with God’s help. Do worthwhile things, even if they make you feel anxious. Don’t let your emotions run your life. Get clarity on your values and what type of life you want to live. Then go out there and live your best life!
Postscript: An intro to spirituality
Do you know why God created you?
Unfortunately, many teens are never taught the purpose of life. This causes them to think that life is all about having as much fun as possible. When they see their friends or others on social media who appear to be enjoying life more—with more friends, money, fancy trips, and possessions—they feel jealous and down.
So why did God create you? God created you and put you in this world to give you the opportunity to exercise your free will. Free will lets you actively choose to become your best self and enjoy the rewards, both here and in Heaven. Our Creator explains in His Torah how we become our best selves: by following and studying His Torah as best we can, and by being a force of goodness in people’s lives. (Jews follow the laws that apply to them, and non-Jews follow the 7 Noahide Laws. It’s not all or nothing; the more you do, the more you will experience long-term benefits.)
Becoming our best selves often involves doing tough things, which let us enjoy the rewards later. Successful people will tell you that the ability to delay gratification and work hard to build a better future is key to achieving success in life.
Unfortunately, because they were never told this, some teens live in the opposite way. They seek fun and enjoyment in the moment, ignoring potential negative consequences. Talk to people who have taken that path, and they’ll tell you it always ends in pain and regret.
You want to look back on your life and feel proud of how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved. Yes, enjoy life and have a good time, but do so within the boundaries of the Torah. Those who make pursuing pleasure their main goal, in the end, always regret it. Those who stay focused on why they are here—to do God’s will and become their best selves—are the ones who will lead a fulfilled life and bask in the spiritual bliss of Heaven.
You don’t have to be a great scholar or very pious to lead a fulfilling life. God gave you unique challenges, temptations, weaknesses, and strengths. As your Creator, He knows that by making the most of your unique circumstances, you will become your best self and earn a place beside Him in Heaven. That’s why He created you: He wants you, on your own free will, to choose to be close to Him in this world, and earn a place beside Him in Heaven.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t wallow in shame or regret over the past. Everyone makes mistakes! Start fresh today and focus on the next step you can take to become your best self. No matter how many setbacks you face, if you never give up, you will succeed!
This article is among those featured in my reduced-cost ebook for teens: A Teen’s Guide to a Successful and Spiritual Life.
It's also featured in my longer book, 30 Days to a More Fulfilling Life: A Practical Guide to Living with Meaning and Purpose
Please help spread the word!
1. Exercise. Engage in strength training by doing bodyweight exercises (and if you want, age-appropriate weight lifting). Do aerobic exercise (biking, running, jogging, etc.) Trauma to the head and concussions can be difficult to recover from, so whenever biking or using a scooter, wear a helmet. When engaged in contact sports, wear protective gear. Exercising outdoors and spending time in nature have added health benefits. See if you can find someone to exercise with. Is there a competitive sport you enjoy or would like to try? Engaging in a competitive sport can be especially important for boys. Those who are good at sports often have someone who taught them how to play, and they practice a lot. Find someone to teach you, even a friend or neighbor, and be patient with yourself as your skills improve.
2. Get adequate sleep, maintain a healthy weight, and eat a healthy diet with adequate protein. Depending on your diet, may need a multivitamin. If you don’t get sufficient sunlight, you may need extra vitamin D.
3. Preferably daily, have a meaningful conversation with someone, a family member, a friend, or a senior citizen you know, to talk about your day. Many find writing in a journal about their day to be very helpful.
4. Spend time cultivating friendships. You only need one, but having at least a few friends is preferable. Making friends can be challenging. Look for shared experiences you can have with them, such as going somewhere together, playing a game or sport, jogging, biking, or going hiking. No matter how shy you are, you can learn to become a better conversationalist and make friends. Give people a call, or invite them to come over or get together with you. Expect some people to say no, and don’t take it personally. If they sound legitimately busy, ask them another time. Otherwise, focus on other people. It is worth putting in the effort to make friends, as friendships make life richer and more enjoyable.
5. Everyone has stress. Do things that reduce stress: pray, exercise, play sports, spend time in nature, spend time with friends and family, play competitive games, journal, meditate, engage in a hobby, etc.
6. Get professional help and support for any significant mental health issues: Emotional pain, depression, anxiety, ADD, trauma, family issues, addictions, being on the autistic spectrum, etc. (It may take a few tries before you find a professional who understands you and is able to help.)
7. Avoid or at least keep firm guardrails around any potentially addictive behavior or substances. It’s better not to start than to start and try to stop. People often begin these behaviors out of curiosity, but once an addiction takes hold, it’s much harder to stop. Speak to people older than you who have gone down that road and realized the harm it caused, so you don’t make the same mistake. Avoid or at least minimize alcohol, and avoid cannabis and other mind-altering substances, even if it is legal for you, at least until you already have a successful career. You don’t want to take substances that are demotivating and will reduce your cognitive abilities when you are still building your life.
8. Install an internet filter to help you avoid pornography. Have a family member choose the password during installation.
9. Make decisions and take actions that will enhance your self-respect. Do things that your 30-year-old self will be proud of. If your 30-year-old self wouldn’t be proud of it, don’t do it! Ask yourself, “After doing this, will I feel better about myself or worse?” “Will this increase my self-respect or reduce it?” (See the chapter on self-esteem.)
10. We live in incredible times. Many skills that were once difficult or expensive to learn can now be learned for free. You can learn a lot by reading. If you don’t like to read, you can listen to audiobooks while you exercise, during your commute to school, or while taking a walk. Some prefer informative podcasts or videos. Don’t expose yourself to junk media that brings you down. Be selective of the content you watch and listen to, and focus on those that enrich your life. Take advantage of the many opportunities you have: Learn new things and skills, set goals, volunteer, develop relationships, learn hobbies, play sports, get involved in projects, and if you’re so inclined, start a business. It is now much easier for young entrepreneurs to start a business or side income stream than it was before. Brainstorm different possibilities with successful people and see what’s working for others.
11. Many teens, unfortunately, spend hours doomscrolling through social media, which can have harmful effects on their mental health. It’s best to avoid it, but if you use it, be very selective about what you watch and limit it to no more than 30 minutes a day. A helpful rule of thumb: Limit activities where you are a spectator and increase activities where you are an active participant. Even reading fiction can be beneficial to the brain, as it engages the brain in imaging a scene, unlike watching a video, where the brain is not actively participating.
12. Start thinking about possible careers you may be interested in. Speak to people already in those fields for advice and to see if it may be a good fit for you. Perhaps one of them is willing to let you do an internship with them or knows someone who may have an internship for you.
13. Practice sound money management; be charitable, save what you can, and spend wisely. Invest conservatively and avoid any quick-rich schemes. Discuss with a mentor before investing money, and don’t just do what your friends are doing.
14. Your parents love you, likely more than anyone else in your life. They have also done more for you than anyone else. Treat and speak to your parents and grandparents with extra respect. Even though parents want to help you, it’s not uncommon for them to make mistakes, especially in challenging situations. Sometimes, they’re too strict, and that makes you want to push back. Other times, they’re too lenient, and you will need to parent yourself (with guidance from a mentor). If you disagree with the way your parents are parenting you, try having a calm conversation with them. If that doesn’t work, speak to a mentor or older family member for advice. Sometimes, it’s helpful to go with your parents to someone you both respect for guidance (e.g., a mentor, clergy, relative, or neighbor). At other times, seeing a recommended therapist for family therapy can be beneficial.
15. Learn to compartmentalize. When you disagree with a parent, you may tend to withdraw from the relationship and sulk. This will not benefit you. Even if you’re upset with a parent, focus on where you get along. They have done so much for you and have so much more to offer you in terms of love, encouragement, and advice. Don’t derail a whole relationship over a disagreement. If you’ve said things to them that you regret, apologize and repair the relationship, even if you still disagree with them.
16. There is a natural tendency during the teenage years to want to forge your own identity, which sometimes leads to wanting to rebel, just for the sake of rebelling. Especially if you’re angry with your parents, you may feel that rebelling is a way to get back at them. Remind yourself that forging your own identity is a good thing, but rebelling hurts you. It can be challenging to undo the damage of getting involved with the wrong crowd or engaging in sinful or illegal behavior. Even if your parents are misguided, they still love you and want the best for you. Such people, you don’t want to hurt, you want to help! If you haven’t been able to calmly resolve issues with them, focus your energies on school, volunteering, building relationships, learning new things, working, and perhaps starting a side business. (If you have a difficult family situation with a parent or sibling, seek help; sometimes it’s best to move out as quickly as possible. When there’s a difficult family situation, you may need to lean on grandparents, aunts, and uncles more; don’t be shy, they’re usually happy to help.)
17. When there’s nothing you can do to change a difficult situation in school or at home, try to cultivate an attitude of acceptance and make the most of it. Often, pushing back against your parents makes a challenging situation worse. For example, if your school is not working out and you can't switch, instead of sulking about it and doing poorly there, make the most of it and focus on other areas of your life that are meaningful and fulfilling. Remind yourself that soon you will have more decision-making power and become self-sufficient.
18. Teenage years are often filled with frustration and even anger. Find a healthy outlet. Healthy outlets include healthy social relationships with family members, senior citizens, mentors, and friends; exercising; boxing or kickboxing against a punching bag, competitive sports (different types of martial arts can be a good fit); and creative outlets and hobbies, personal prayer where you talk out loud to God in your native language, writing in a diary, volunteering, focusing on doing well in school, learning new things and skills, and choosing goals to work toward.
19. Growing up, siblings can be a source of frustration, and there may be competition or fights. Make an effort to treat your siblings well. Close sibling relationships will benefit you in life. (If one of your siblings is a bad influence on you or has mental health issues that are weighing you down, seek guidance from a trusted mentor or therapist.)
20. Spend time and learn from your relatives. They’re happy to tell you about your family history and impart their hard-earned wisdom. You can avoid many rookie mistakes by learning from those with life experience.
21. Teenage years are often tumultuous. Whatever challenges you are experiencing, many others have faced similar ones. Boys should have at least one male mentor, and girls should have at least one female mentor. Get into the habit of consulting with those who know more than you, especially about significant decisions. Many teens don’t have two emotionally healthy parents to guide them. If that’s the case for you, it is especially important to look for wise adults to guide you. You need to make your own decisions, but you’ll make better ones if you first consult with others. In general, people like to help others and share their knowledge and life experience (especially teachers, clergy, neighbors, family members, and family friends). It says in Ethics of the Fathers (2:5), “The bashful one does not learn.” Shyness is not a lifelong sentence; you can learn to approach people, ask them questions, and learn from them.
22. Spend some of your summers working or interning. This will help you mature and become more responsible. If you go to camp, ensure it will be a good environment that fosters your growth.
23. You’re affected by your peer group, so choose your friends wisely. It’s better to have one friend who shares your values than a larger, popular friend group that brings you down. If your friends do things you wouldn’t, especially if they pressure you to join them, it’s time to find new friends.
24. The teenage years are filled with opportunities to be kind. Introduce yourself to the new kid in school or in the neighborhood. Be friendly to everyone. There are so many simple ways to brighten someone’s day that require so little. Be generous with your compliments and encouragement. Be willing to assist if someone is struggling in a class. If you see someone having difficulty making friends, introduce them to others and include them in your larger friend group. Especially if you’re popular in school, showing an interest in someone can make it much easier for them to make friends. As hard as you think your life is, for some teens, it’s even harder. They may be going through severe struggles, and just being a friendly, decent human being to them will mean a lot.
25. Many struggle in school. Having difficulty learning or making friends in school doesn’t mean you’ll have difficulty making money or forming friendships later on. The regimented nature of school is challenging for those with unique learning styles. If you may have a learning issue or ADD, get tested and get help. Sometimes switching to a different class or school, or getting a tutor, can be beneficial.
26. It’s good to have an adventurous spirit and be willing to try new things (when appropriate), but don’t do dangerous things, forbidden activities, or break the law. Make a commitment to yourself about which behaviors you will not do under any circumstances (speak to your parents or spiritual mentor for guidance). Stay away from these behaviors and avoid tempting situations. Don’t take substances that impair your judgment and may lead you to do things you will later regret.
27. At the first sign of potential abuse, peer pressure, or bullying, seek help from someone you trust. Sometimes, in the beginning, it’s unclear that a situation is one of abuse, peer pressure, or bullying. By the time a person realizes, they feel ashamed and stuck. There’s nothing shameful about someone trying to mistreat you. They’re the ones who should be ashamed! Talk to an adult you trust for advice.
28. During adolescence, you’re going through many changes and have new challenges that you’ve never had before. Your hormones, brain development, and body are changing and growing. You may feel more moody, irritable, or down for no reason. Your instinct may be to tough it out, but find family members and mentors you can speak to for guidance.
29. Learn to tap into your higher self, the observer, which sees and observes your thoughts and desires. Realize that your thoughts and desires are not who you are and shouldn’t always be acted on. Thoughts that tell you that you’re not good enough, lovable, or worthy shouldn’t be listened to. Desires to do sinful things or act in harmful ways shouldn’t be acted upon. Learn to accept your desires, feelings, and thoughts, and then, coming from the place of your higher self, choose healthy thoughts, thoughts that are compassionate and encouraging. Thoughts that encourage you to do things that may be difficult now, but will benefit you later on. Engage in behaviors that align with your values and bring you closer to your goals.
30. Work on becoming a giver, do acts of kindness, see what you can do to help those who are less fortunate (including neighbors and classmates), and always treat people well (apologize if you lapse). At the same time, make sure to take care of yourself.
31. Get into the habit of expressing appreciation and complimenting people. Get rid of a feeling of entitlement; don’t take for granted the good that others do for you.
32. Learn to be responsible and self-sufficient, and don’t rely too much on family members. Feel a sense of responsibility to your family, friends, community, and nation. Remember, when it comes to doing acts of kindness or charity, family comes first.
33. Set goals and continue to learn and grow throughout your life. Remind yourself that if other people (who have similar abilities) can do something, so can you! Just because you’re not good at something now doesn’t mean you’ll never be. For many things, if you learn the skills and practice them, you can become as good as anyone else who has done the same. It’s tragic when a teen struggles in an area new to them and already decides that they’re not good at it and never will be; it’s just not true. While basic ability is necessary, success comes to those who are persistent enough to keep at it and learn the needed skills until they gain mastery.
34. Go out of your comfort zone and learn that you can handle failure and rejection. It won’t destroy you, it will only make you stronger! Failures and setbacks are to be expected. When they happen, pick yourself up, seek advice, and remind yourself that it was a learning experience. We often learn and grow more from our failures than our successes.
35. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and whom you can go to for encouragement. Get to know and spend time with local senior citizens and retirees; they often have a lot of wisdom and time to share. (If there’s a toxic relationship in your life, seek help from a mentor or therapist.)
36. Work on becoming a more assertive, confident, and decisive person. Look for opportunities to develop leadership skills and take on responsibility. Look for people who can be healthy role models to you. Learn to be assertive and confident, but not arrogant or aggressive. Learn the skills to communicate your needs and resolve conflicts calmly.
37. Enhance your conversational skills and increase your social network by introducing yourself to people and striking up a conversation.
38. Pick something or a few things to learn to do well, to develop feelings of mastery, competence, and confidence.
39. Use compassionate and encouraging self-talk. No harsh criticism or insults allowed! Use visualization to see yourself successfully achieving your goals.
40. Teenage years can be very stressful, with stresses often relating to school, friendships, or family. There’s a tendency to try to reduce stress by engaging in harmful activities. While that may provide temporary relief, it will just make things worse and doesn’t address the root issue. It’s like being in a freezing room; you can either try to find things to take your mind off the cold, or you can just close the window! In life, whenever possible, you want to address the root cause of an issue. Make a list of what’s stressing you, and preferably together with a mentor, parent, or therapist, make a plan to address it. Some issues don’t resolve overnight, but keeping in touch with someone about it and following a plan can help lower your stress.
41. Some people have the tendency that when they are given advice, it makes them want to do the exact opposite! This tendency is actually self-destructive, as feedback and advice from others can be very helpful and save you from making rookie mistakes. Catch yourself before you fall into this trap and ask yourself, “Even if I’m upset with ___ and even if the way they made the suggestion annoys me, is there any merit to what they’re saying?” Learn the skill of being able to extract the wisdom from the criticism or advice people give you, and use that wisdom to benefit you.
42. A similar dynamic can occur when your parent(s) are trying to help you become more mature or responsible, which can be painful in the short-term, but fosters long-term growth. There is a tendency to push back against this and try to sabotage their efforts, but doing so harms you. For example, your parents tell you they want you to keep to a budget and no longer spend freely on their card. Or, you’ve been going to sleep very late, which has been having a negative effect, and they want you to keep to an earlier bedtime. While it may be upsetting in the short term, and you might not agree with how they are going about it, instead of pushing back, work with them. If they succeed in helping you set the foundation for a successful adult life, it will be you who will benefit the most.
43. In terms of post-high school training for a career, consider your options (taking into account the things you’re good at or interested in, and the things you find challenging). Accelerated schooling is often cost-effective and will save you time, although regular college may be more appropriate for your chosen profession. There are also trade schools and training for specific careers. Be aware of the different salaries and job opportunities of the careers you’re considering, as well as other factors important to you.
44. A time when young adults struggle the most is when they either have a bad friend group or none at all. If you leave your high school friend group, establish a new one as soon as possible. Utilize the power of the group. If you’re with friends who are on track with their lives and goal-oriented, it will be easier for you to do the same. Once a person leaves their friend group and is on their own, it becomes more challenging for them to stay on track. Here is a pattern you may have noticed: Singles who didn’t stay connected to their friends often had a more challenging time staying observant, becoming financially successful, and getting married. Our social networks, friendships, and mentors play an important role in keeping us on track in life.
45. As others have said, “Look in the mirror. That’s your competition!” Don’t focus on what others have or their abilities. Focus on yourself and achieving your goals. Develop a strong work ethic and delay gratification. Successful people will tell you that a strong work ethic is essential for achieving success, with God’s help. Do worthwhile things, even if they make you feel anxious. Don’t let your emotions run your life. Get clarity on your values and what type of life you want to live. Then go out there and live your best life!
Postscript: An intro to spirituality
Do you know why God created you?
Unfortunately, many teens are never taught the purpose of life. This causes them to think that life is all about having as much fun as possible. When they see their friends or others on social media who appear to be enjoying life more—with more friends, money, fancy trips, and possessions—they feel jealous and down.
So why did God create you? God created you and put you in this world to give you the opportunity to exercise your free will. Free will lets you actively choose to become your best self and enjoy the rewards, both here and in Heaven. Our Creator explains in His Torah how we become our best selves: by following and studying His Torah as best we can, and by being a force of goodness in people’s lives. (Jews follow the laws that apply to them, and non-Jews follow the 7 Noahide Laws. It’s not all or nothing; the more you do, the more you will experience long-term benefits.)
Becoming our best selves often involves doing tough things, which let us enjoy the rewards later. Successful people will tell you that the ability to delay gratification and work hard to build a better future is key to achieving success in life.
Unfortunately, because they were never told this, some teens live in the opposite way. They seek fun and enjoyment in the moment, ignoring potential negative consequences. Talk to people who have taken that path, and they’ll tell you it always ends in pain and regret.
You want to look back on your life and feel proud of how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved. Yes, enjoy life and have a good time, but do so within the boundaries of the Torah. Those who make pursuing pleasure their main goal, in the end, always regret it. Those who stay focused on why they are here—to do God’s will and become their best selves—are the ones who will lead a fulfilled life and bask in the spiritual bliss of Heaven.
You don’t have to be a great scholar or very pious to lead a fulfilling life. God gave you unique challenges, temptations, weaknesses, and strengths. As your Creator, He knows that by making the most of your unique circumstances, you will become your best self and earn a place beside Him in Heaven. That’s why He created you: He wants you, on your own free will, to choose to be close to Him in this world, and earn a place beside Him in Heaven.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t wallow in shame or regret over the past. Everyone makes mistakes! Start fresh today and focus on the next step you can take to become your best self. No matter how many setbacks you face, if you never give up, you will succeed!
This article is among those featured in my reduced-cost ebook for teens: A Teen’s Guide to a Successful and Spiritual Life.
It's also featured in my longer book, 30 Days to a More Fulfilling Life: A Practical Guide to Living with Meaning and Purpose
Please help spread the word!
